In my youth, I endured sexual childhood trauma by my biological paternal parent for many years. Unfortunately, the abuse led to years of me feeling lost, unworthy of love, tainted and alone. Untrusting, I maintained complete isolation from all childhood activities.
During my adolescent years, I was filled with a sadness that I could not understand or explain. This sadness soon led to many years of what I now know to be diagnosed as “post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), severe clinical depression and suicidal ideation.
After becoming a young mother, at the age of 17, and again at 20, my only solace was the comfort of my own surroundings, my daughters, and reading. I began to find solace in reading the bible. I have always known about God since I was a young child.
Satan wants me to feel shamed. At the tender age of four, I was exposed to incest, sodomy and eventually rape. I am now well into my late 40s, and my childhood experiences still silently creep back into areas of life unto this very day. In my darkest moments, I did not realize that my PURPOSED ISOLATION gave the enemy direct access to my thoughts, actions, reactions and perceptions.
Even as I continue to mature in Christ, I still endure occasional night terrors, periods of sadness or weeks of depression; but I must continually remind myself that I am a daughter of the most high KING. Always remember, sometimes we have to minister TO OURSELVES.
Everyday, I am thankful for a Spiritual Healing that comes ONLY from having a personal, intimate relationship with GOD. I believe that God pens the spiritual writings of my life daily, so that my testimony can be used by GOD to empower and heal others who also suffer in silence. Silence for many of us is deafening! Sometimes, it’s even difficult to hear the voice of God. Please know, GOD HAS NEVER LEFT YOU.
You see, I am a Wife, Mother, Grandmother (MomMom), a Registered Nurse of almost 20 years, and a graduate student specializing in Pastoral Counseling and Community Care. Yet, I too succumb to the tricks and distractions of the enemy. But I am quickly reminded that I am healed; I am loved; and I am Blessed! ✟ Satan has no power or authority over my life! And I REMIND HIM of that in EVERY SITUATION or circumstance.
I thank GOD for allowing my thorn [pain and despair] to be used for the good. I am a fierce protector of GOD’s people. I am POSITIONED & PURPOSED to be a caregiver. I often reflect on the good, bad, and ugly moments of my life, and I smile, because I know that GOD NEVER LEFT ME. I give him the glory of who I am NOW in Christ! I yearn for GOD to use me, because you see….any one of my patients COULD HAVE BEEN ME.
Allow God to use your testimony to heal others too! And remember, YOU ARE LOVED!